Happy Mother's Day to Every Mother Out There

(all entrances and exits left side, except at end of skit)
MOM --- (enters wearing bib apron, crosses to podium, immerses hands in imaginary dishwater)
DAD --- (enters with open Bible) Honey, can I talk to you a minute?
MOM --- This must be important for you to interrupt your morning quiet time. I know! You came in to help me do the dishes.
DAD --- Dream on. No, actually, I just wanted to talk to you about what I was reading in Proverbs 31.
MOM --- Yes, isn't that interesting?
DAD --- Interesting? So, you know what I'm talking about?
MOM --- Yes, it's interesting that the author talks about evil harlots and adultresses all through Proverbs, but he waits until the last half of the very last chapter to talk about the ideal wife and mother. It's just like a man.
DAD --- Well, you have to admit, this woman in Proverbs 31 really has it together. You know, you could take a few lessons from her.
MOM --- You mean the part about spinning wool and flax, or the part about making sashes?
DAD --- See, there you go, making light of the wisest man who ever lived.
MOM --- Oh, I know! You interrupted your quiet time to come out here to tell me about the verse that says: "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her."
DAD --- Well, not exactly. You know you really ought to....(points at Bible)
JOHN -- (enters barefoot, interrupts) Mom, have you seen my soccer shoes?
MOM --- One is under your bed. The other made its way into the clothes hamper. It's on the dryer.
JOHN -- Did you patch up the hole in my soccer socks?
MOM --- Yes, they're in your sock drawer.
JOHN -- (exits) Okay.
DAD --- Now, as I was saying....
MOM --- Hold on a minute.
DAD --- Why?
MOM --- He didn't ask about his shin guards.
JOHN -- (enters) Mom, have you seen my shin guards?
MOM --- (smiles) You left them in the back seat of the car after practice yesterday.
JOHN -- (exits) Okay, I'll put them on on the way to the game.
DAD --- Now, as I was saying....
ALLY -- Mom, did you pick up my red dress from the dry cleaners?
MOM --- It's hanging on the left side of your closet.
ALLY -- (runs to exit) Oh, good.
DAD --- Now, about the ideal woman. Solomon talks about....
MEL --- (enters) Mom, did you hem the cuffs on those blue slacks yet? All the girls are wearing slacks to the youth group rally today.
MOM --- Yes. They're on the sewing table.
MEL --- (runs to exit) Oh, cool.
MOM --- While you're in there... Oh, well, she'll be back. What were you saying, Hon?
ALLY -- (enters) Mom, it's not in my closet.
MOM --- Your other left.
ALLY -- (exiting) Why didn't you say the other side?
MEL --- (enters) Mom, have you seen my white blouse, you know the one with that...
MOM --- It's on the ironing board, right next the sewing table. I just ironed it.
MEL --- Oh, cool. (turns, turns back) By the way, Mom, you've gotta help me with my science project some time today. I don't want to bother with it tomorrow.
MOM --- Check the computer. I just downloaded a science project proposal similar to yours from the Internet. We can use it to help us with the wording on your proposal.
MEL --- Oh, cool. (exits)
MOM --- Okay, what were you saying about Proverbs?
DAD --- (closes Bible) Nothing. It can wait. By the way, why doesn't Melissa want to bother you with her science project tomorrow?
MOM --- We have reservations at Anthony's right after church tomorrow, remember?
DAD --- It's Mother's Day tomorrow! Say, listen, Honey, I just remembered I have some shopping to do. I'll see you later. (kisses her on the cheek, exits R)
ALLY -- (enters) Did somebody mention going shopping? (shouts to Dad) Daddy, wait up. I'm going shopping with you.
MOM --- (takes $5 out of apron, holds it over shoulder)
ALLY -- Mom, can I have my allowance. (notices money, snatches it, exiting R) Oh, thanks. See ya.
MEL --- (enters, shouts) Daddy, wait up.
MOM --- (takes $5 out of apron, holds it over shoulder)
MEL --- Mom, can I.... (takes money) Oh, cool. (exits R)
JOHN -- (enters) Is it really Mother's Day tomorrow?
MOM --- (takes $5 out of apron, holds it over shoulder) Yes, it is.
JOHN -- (takes money) Oh, thanks, Mom. (shouts) Dad, wait, I'm going with. (exits R)
MOM --- (shouts) Don't forget, you have a soccer game at noon. (takes check book out of apron, holds it over shoulder)
DAD --- (enters R) Honey, have you seen the.... (takes check book) ...check book. What would I ever do without you? (kisses her on the cheek, exits R on Mom's line)
MOM --- (dries hands on apron, smiles, exiting L) I don't know. I'll go check Proverbs 31.
-Bob Snook-

Proverbs 31 

The Virtuous Wife and Mother

10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships, she brings her food from afar.

15 She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household, and a portion for her maidservants.

16 She considers a field and buys it; from her profits she plants a vineyard.

17 She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms.

18 She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night.

19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hand holds the spindle.

20 She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet.

22 She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.