JUDGE -- (enters wearing black robe, carrying Bible, crosses to podium) Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to present the president-elect of the United States, John Jacob Johnson. (leads applause, holds out Bible)
PRESIDENT -- (enters, crosses smiling and waiving to audience, lays left hand on Bible, raises Hand) I, John Jacob Johnson, do solemnly swear to administer the office of President of the United States and to uphold the Constitution to the best of my ability. So help me God.
JUDGE -- (offers hand) Congratulations. (shakes, leads applause, steps back)
PRESIDENT -- (shakes hands) Thank you. (acknowledges applause) My fellow Americans, this is an historic day in America. I have the privilege of being the first American president to be elected from the Darwinian party.
JUDGE -- (leads applause enthusiastically)
PRESIDENT -- It will be my great pleasure to lead America into the twenty-first century employing exclusively the principles of Darwinian evolution.
JUDGE -- (leads applause enthusiastically)
PRESIDENT -- And so, because Darwinian evolution eliminates a need for God, it is my intention to remove God from our great land. Beginning immediately, all churches, temples and mosques will be closed.
JUDGE -- (leads applause enthusiastically)
PRESIDENT -- Today is the last time you will see any public official being sworn into office (lifts and shows Bible) using a Bible.
JUDGE -- (leads applause enthusiastically)
PRESIDENT -- As you know, one of the basic tenants of Darwinian evolution is survival of the fittest. Therefore, I hereby declare null and void all laws and statutes that give artificial protection to the weaker, less fit species.
JUDGE -- (leads applause enthusiastically, quits after two claps) What? We didn't discuss this.
PRESIDENT -- Beginning immediately, it will be my privilege to eliminate all protection for endangered species, all wildlife refuges and all marshland conservation. If a species can't fend for themselves, they deserve to die.
JUDGE -- This is not what we agreed to.
PRESIDENT -- The same is true for all affirmative action laws for women and minorities and all hate crime laws.
JUDGE -- I can't believe I gave money to this man's campaign.
PRESIDENT -- Also, in keeping with survival of the fittest, I will hereby remove all limitations on abortion, mercy killing, gay bashing, wife beating and slavery.
JUDGE -- What!? What about your oath to uphold the constitution of the United States?
PRESIDENT -- I lied. Oh, that reminds me. Since all morals are from God, I also declare null and void all laws outlawing perjury, slander, rape, incest, robbery, fraud and murder.
JUDGE -- You can't do that!
PRESIDENT -- I have to. All those laws came from God. But now there is no God. And, since without God man has no intrinsic value, any citizen who is not useful to society, including the elderly, the lame and the retarded, will be terminated.
JUDGE -- You mean murdered.
PRESIDENT -- There is no murder without God. Only survival and dominance. Speaking of dominance, the majority race will now dominate and/or obliterate all other races.
JUDGE -- This is preposterous!
PRESIDENT -- Therefore, beginning tomorrow, all minorities, including all those who speak with a foreign accent, will either report to slave labor camps or be deported.
JUDGE -- I can't believe this!
PRESIDENT -- Any minority failing to report for deportation or slavery will be summarily executed.
JUDGE -- You are a monster!
PRESIDENT -- Not at all. It's merely survival of the fittest. Which brings me to my final edict. (turns to Judge) Because men are larger and stronger than women, women will be forbidden from holding public office. In fact, they will not even be allowed to vote or own land.
JUDGE -- (exits in a huff) I will not stand for this!
PRESIDENT -- (raises hand) Guards, seize that woman. She will be my first conquest. From now on, women are to be treated as sex objects and household servants. (exiting after Judge) It's only fitting in the world of evolution.
-Bob Snook-
Proverbs 29
1 He who is often rebuked, and hardens his neck, will suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy.
2 When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; but when a wicked man rules, the people groan.
3 Whoever loves wisdom makes his father rejoice, but a companion of harlots wastes his wealth.
4 The king establishes the land by justice, but he who receives bribes overthrows it.
5 A man who flatters his neighbour spreads a net for his feet.
6 By transgression an evil man is snared, but the righteous sings and rejoices.
7 The righteous considers the cause of the poor, but the wicked does not understand such knowledge.
8 Scoffers set a city aflame, but wise men turn away wrath.
9 If a wise man contends with a foolish man, whether the fool rages or laughs, there is no peace.
10 The bloodthirsty hate the blameless, but the upright seek his well-being.
11 A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.
12 If a ruler pays attention to lies, all his servants become wicked.
13 The poor man and the oppressor have this in common: the Lord gives light to the eyes of both.
14 The king who judges the poor with truth, His throne will be established forever.
15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
16 When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increases; but the righteous will see their fall.
17 Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul.
18 Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but happy is he who keeps the law.
19 A servant will not be corrected by mere words; for though he understands, he will not respond.
20 Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
21 He who pampers his servant from childhood will have him as a son in the end.
22 An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression.
23 A man’s pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honour.
24 Whoever is a partner with a thief hates his own life; He swears to tell the truth, but reveals nothing.
25 The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.
26 Many seek the ruler’s favour, but justice for man comes from the Lord.
27 An unjust man is an abomination to the righteous, and he who is upright in the way is an abomination to the wicked.
A world without God is a scary thought!
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